If there's anything to be learnt from this episode it's that I'm training to be in the correct profession. It's a good thing I'm distraught at being unable to do what I've worked so hard to achieve. Means my heart is in the right place. It would be far more worrying if I actually enjoyed this quarantine. Or more correctly, bar from the wards. Hopefully there's a valuable lesson in it for me.

Maybe I can just raise my hopes for just little bit? We'll see tomorrow then. 

Yesterday I finally felt a sense of satisfaction. All those days of grim news and bad prognosis justified by one conversation. But how swiftly I was brought down back to earth again. I guess life is really unpredictable. Teaches you not to take things for granted. 

There comes a point in time when every person confronts a line with a sign that says" enough is enough". I can sense mine is approaching. Very soon.

And there we have it. My life for the next 8 weeks has been determined by the powers that be. Is it going to be a challenge? I don't doubt it will definitely be. Am I looking forward to it? Kindda ambivalent.

So the question is, do you do what you think is best for yourself or do you pursue the altruistic alternative? It's going to be a tough one this question. I think it boils down to how much you can offer without compromising yourself. Hopefully all will be made clearer. In the meantime, just go with the flow?

So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean

Last night I couldn't get a restful sleep. I got woken up at 230 for no apparent reason and spent a full hour weighing things in my head. It was as though God had chosen that hour to speak to me.

I realised fully how imperfect I am. Some flaws are more easily remedied than others whilst the rest can be hidden. The sheer enormity of it all threatened to overwhelm me. It really did. Partly because the perfectionist in me detested having what I perceived to be chinks in my armour and also because once you've had a taste of perfection second place just won't do anymore.

Then I thought about all that I've seen and heard of over the past few weeks and how easily it could also happen to me. It sobered me up easily. I keep telling myself to not to take things for granted, to show my appreciation to those that matter and just live and be grateful. But at the same time I am fearful. That in one fell swoop everything could be taken away from me. But the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. I need to have faith that He will protect me and my family and all that I hold dear. At the same time know that whatever comes my way is a test.

There's so much more I could and want to say. But I don't translate frowns into words so easily. But suffice to say a lot has been going through my mind. Maybe a break is not so good after all. It gives you time to think and when you think you run through too many scenarios, not all of them are rosy. I need to simply let it be and not be one of those people who worry so much they fail to notice the beauty around them nor get to enjoy it.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway.

So it goes that we are confronted by things that are out of our control. So what should we do? Rise up to the challenge, dump the excuses and forge ahead the best you know how.

Today's the day my life begins. Today I become a citizen of the world. Today I become a grown up. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents. Today I become accountable for more than my grades. Today I become accountable to the world, to the future, to all the possibilities that life has to offer. Starting today, my job is to show up, wide-eyed, and willing, and ready. For what? I don't know. For anything. Everything. To take on life. To take on love. To take on the responsibility and possibility. Today my friends, our lives begin, and I for one, can't wait.

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

When new songs don't make much sense, just go through the archives!

Someone told me people change during clinics. I absolutely DO NOT want to fall into that category. Unless it's a change for the better.