And there we have it. My life for the next 8 weeks has been determined by the powers that be. Is it going to be a challenge? I don't doubt it will definitely be. Am I looking forward to it? Kindda ambivalent.

So the question is, do you do what you think is best for yourself or do you pursue the altruistic alternative? It's going to be a tough one this question. I think it boils down to how much you can offer without compromising yourself. Hopefully all will be made clearer. In the meantime, just go with the flow?

So give me reason / to prove me wrong / to wash this memory clean

Last night I couldn't get a restful sleep. I got woken up at 230 for no apparent reason and spent a full hour weighing things in my head. It was as though God had chosen that hour to speak to me.

I realised fully how imperfect I am. Some flaws are more easily remedied than others whilst the rest can be hidden. The sheer enormity of it all threatened to overwhelm me. It really did. Partly because the perfectionist in me detested having what I perceived to be chinks in my armour and also because once you've had a taste of perfection second place just won't do anymore.

Then I thought about all that I've seen and heard of over the past few weeks and how easily it could also happen to me. It sobered me up easily. I keep telling myself to not to take things for granted, to show my appreciation to those that matter and just live and be grateful. But at the same time I am fearful. That in one fell swoop everything could be taken away from me. But the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away. I need to have faith that He will protect me and my family and all that I hold dear. At the same time know that whatever comes my way is a test.

There's so much more I could and want to say. But I don't translate frowns into words so easily. But suffice to say a lot has been going through my mind. Maybe a break is not so good after all. It gives you time to think and when you think you run through too many scenarios, not all of them are rosy. I need to simply let it be and not be one of those people who worry so much they fail to notice the beauty around them nor get to enjoy it.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway.

So it goes that we are confronted by things that are out of our control. So what should we do? Rise up to the challenge, dump the excuses and forge ahead the best you know how.

Today's the day my life begins. Today I become a citizen of the world. Today I become a grown up. Today I become accountable to someone other than myself and my parents. Today I become accountable for more than my grades. Today I become accountable to the world, to the future, to all the possibilities that life has to offer. Starting today, my job is to show up, wide-eyed, and willing, and ready. For what? I don't know. For anything. Everything. To take on life. To take on love. To take on the responsibility and possibility. Today my friends, our lives begin, and I for one, can't wait.

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

When new songs don't make much sense, just go through the archives!

Someone told me people change during clinics. I absolutely DO NOT want to fall into that category. Unless it's a change for the better.

This week has been a turbulent one. I could go from being perfectly content to abrasive. And I'm not proud of that. So I'm sorry. This is not who I wanted to be.

Today I learnt to be grateful. To not take what you have for granted. Because what I have been blessed with is enough. There is no need to ask for more. To say what needs to be said because you never know when the opportunity will ever arise again. When suffering affects those around you, you start to wonder. You really start to wonder.

I pray when I begin this new phase of my life I do so with a new perspective. I really really do. For all of my ideas of grandeur, it's finally time I translated them into action.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
Going nowhere, going nowhere
And their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
No tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
'Cos I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
It's a very, very
Mad World
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy Birthday, Happy Birthday
Made to feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me, look right through me

Hauntingly Beautiful In My Opinion

All You Can Do Is Try To Know Who Your Friends Are As You Head Off To The War

-The Call-
Regina Spektor