Challenge Numero Uno: Pick up conversational Mandarin within 9 weeks. Make that 8. I'll take a break from anything related to academics. Unless it involves House. But yes Mandarin is a priority. Watch-drama-serials-if-I-have-to-kind-of-priority. Maybe I should just begin now.

Challenge Numero Dos: Learn as much as you can. Build as much as you can.

When it seemed as though I couldn't move another inch, I received renewed hope. Funny how I managed to hear from all those that meant something to me just when I began to despair. It's as though I was being reminded of the reasons why I chose this path, and that certainly calmed me down.

Dearest [insert term here],

We will have no truce or parley with you, or the grisly gang who work your wicked will. You do your worst - and we will do our best.

So many battles on so many fronts. I'll be happy to get through the end of the month. With some semblance of sanity. And control. As emo as this entry is, it's not. Somehow I use words that set a sombre mood. Maybe it's time I made a change to the blog layout. Isn't white and blue a good combination? Okay so maybe blue is associated with depression but that's stretching it a bit far. And I notice a pattern to my blogging. Most entries are scattered around the middle of the month with some outlier ones. Makes me wonder if subconsciously I'm like a pirated version of a werewolf who feels free enough to blog 2 weeks into a new month.

It's beyond me, I cannot carry the weight of the heavy world
[Goodnight, goodnight - Maroon 5]
Again, not emo. Simply keeping up an idiosyncracy of mine to sign off with lyrics from songs =)

I want to have ice in my veins. To be cool and composed no matter what. To be ruthlessly efficient and do what needs to be done. To not bother how I may come across. To not care. To go into a zone where feelings and emotions don't matter. I want to have ice in my veins.

But that makes me less human. So I shan't.

[Entry inspired by Arsenal's triumph]

"People are unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered. Love them anyway. If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish motives. Do good anyway. If you are successful, you may win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway. The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway. Honesty and transparency make you vulnerable. Be honest and transparent anyway. What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway. People who really want help may attack you if you help them. Help them anyway. Give the world the best you have and you may get hurt. Give the world your best anyway."

It seems pretty abrupt that the true lessons for M2 has finally ended. I'll admit I'm a bit apprehensive at this stage because soon I'll be thrust into a totally new world. But I'll worry about that when the time comes. God has brought me thus far, He won't let me down.

Family
I think it's fair to say I'm making an effort to keep my family updated with what I'm doing. It'll be so much easier to lock myself up in the room under the pretext of studying(sometimes real studying) and immerse myself with the undoubtedly huge workload that is M2. Plus it's satisfying to see the look of pride in their eyes when I tell them my scores for the various CAs even though there is nothing spectacular about them. I guess that's why families are special, they appreciate and love you no matter what you do.

Studies
It's been extremely draining having to brace yourself for wave after wave of papers. I'm not complaining mind you. I know perfectly well that this was what I signed up for and that others would love to be given the same opportunity to be part of the faculty that I'm in. Honestly speaking, it's a vast change from M1 where I entered each lecture with at least some background of what is going to happen. The past few months I feel as though I've been turning up and just going through the motions. Maybe this won't repeat itself next year.

Friends
It's undoubted that people come and go in your life and what's important is that you know who matters and fight to keep that person in your life. I'm not the kind of person who makes friends easily. So it's imperative I maintain the ones I already have while being open to the idea that there are other wonderful people out there.You never know when you're gonna find a diamond in the rough. I admit I'm not good at this. I've been brought up to be self-sufficient, being an only child. But just because I don't say it or show it, doesn't mean I care any less. And if you think you mean something to me, then you probably do already. I'm glad I've gotten to know some new ones better, tried to catch up with my best friends as much as possible and hopefully, didn't create any enemies along the way.

Councillor/Councilee
It's a commitment agreeing to guide someone and provide help when needed and I feel very blessed to have a wonderful councillor, councillee and fellow councilee. It's been satisfying that's for sure.

Suhairi
I'm a loner that's for certain. It's just the way I grew up, not needing to feed on being accepted as being cool as long as I was happy. In fact I am probably most content when I have a good book in front of me with rain lashing down on my windowpanes. Having said that it's not as though I don't enjoy a good conversation or a cup of coffee. Most of the time I'll listen because I like to piece people together based on the information they tell me and figure out what kind of a person he/she truly is.

Miscellaneous
It's been a challenging academic year I must say. So many things tested my patience I'm surprised my sanity is intact. I really hope I grow stronger and deal with stuff as best I can. Sometimes I dig myself into a hole and sometimes a ladder appears but a day will come when I won't be able to run any longer and I'll have to just face up to the challenge.

This seems like the '25 random facts' thing that has been floating around Facebook actually.

I Know I've Got To Let It Go And Just Enjoy The Show

"That part of me left yesterday"

"The heart of me is strong today"
This line makes me smile each time cause I've been conditioned to know that the heart grows weak with time. It is the one organ that is the most susceptible to insult and injury. Furthermore, so many things can go wrong with it. So it's highly unlikely that a compromised heart can get stronger. But here is a man declaring to the world that his very essence has been imbued with strength against the very nature of things.

I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me is dead and gone
But the new me will be alright

That just about sums it up.
Goodnight people =)

It's a pretty rare phenomenon for me to write consecutive entries but lately I just feel as though there's something I need to get off my chest but exactly what it is I'm not entirely sure. There's so many things happening that it's easy to get overwhelmed. Between trying to do the right thing, keeping track of the ones that matter, studying and staying true to my ideals and beliefs it's hard not to get frazzled. So I admit I may appear different or say/do something that I normally wouldn't but can you truly blame me? People keep telling me that I should not be in a hurry to grow up and that I should keep enjoying the view while it lasts but here's the thing, I need to mature to prove to myself. I have big shoes to fill.

Maybe I should stop taking such an idealistic viewpoint and just accept the fact that this world is a harsh place to be in. I want so badly to see the good in people and to stop judging people and basically just letting people be. But what I do isn't always reciprocated and of course that raises doubts as to why I bother in the first place.

Having said that I admit my shortcomings. I only ask you give me the benefit of the doubt if that's not too much to ask.

If I appear anti-social/quiet over the next few days it's not because I'm emo. Those days should be long gone by now. It's cause I want to reclaim what I have lost sight of.

Sometimes I think I should just keep my mouth shut. Seriously. On the other hand at least it pays to be helpful. And one can never be too proud to learn from someone who knows more. This I need to instill into myself. Because let's face it, nobody knows everything.

I know you know